Bloomberg's Best Jobs of 2011

We all know that the economy is still in a downward spiral and that good jobs are few and far between. In times like these, there is a solution: give up your dreams because you might be able to land a secure job that you hate.

I read Top Ten lists like this one from Bloomberg Businessweek because I am a masochist. I like to know that the kinds of industry that thrived in a healthy economy--like the arts and creative jobs--have been replaced with corporate alternatives that the magazine offers as nifty, comparable replacements.

Let's take a look at Bloomberg's Top Jobs of 2011 and consider if we want to perform them for the rest of our lives:

Massage therapist. You can make nearly $40,000 a year rubbing down backs that have too many knots in them from the strain of their corporate replacement jobs and rich person guilt. A boom in the massage therapy trade signals simultaneous interests in health and laziness.

Athletic Trainer. Self-explanatory. But so is a treadmill.

PR Specialist. Bloomberg blithely quips that Public Relations specialists are still in high demand to promote huge corporate enterprises and sell things. Public relations, they say, is a perfect replacement for the aspiring journalist because journalism is dead, didn't you know? Pride aside, how is writing words about a company's new sock line anything like being a journalist? A particularly ironic comparison from the journalist writing this article.

Computer Support Specialist. This job includes cheering up computers when they get down. I don't understand IT so completely that I can't even think of a single snarky thing to say about this profession.

Meeting Planner. A meeting planner makes nearly $50,000 a year planning events, like conventions or big gatherings, etc...mostly for big companies. It seems like a tolerable job, if not particularly interesting. Perhaps their careers are sunk on the poor decision of a salad dressing.

Court Reporter. A court reporter is certainly a necessary, but terribly removed profession. You listen and type. I imagine it would be hard to transcribe dialogue quickly and exactly, but who dreams of being a court reporter as a child? I'm certainly both naive and cynical, but it seems like many might have given up lawyer dreams.

Film & Video Editor. This job sounds kind of sweet. I wonder if you can stay in your parents' basement making Bronies My Little Pony videos and still make the $64,000 big ones advertised by Bloomberg? If so, sign me up.